This might come as a bit of a surprise to some of you, especially if you happen to be one of my ex-girlfriends, but the truth is, I have been in another secret relationship for the last 22 years. This other ‘lady’ really is my true love and together we have shared some of the happiest moments of my life. Unfortunately over the past few years those special moments have become few and far between and as things stand today ‘she’ is unrecognisable from the ‘girl’ I fell in love with over two decades ago. Week after week I chase that elusive special moment with ‘her’…..a moment I haven’t seen for so long that I am not even sure I would recognise it if I saw it.
Right now I don’t want to live with ‘her’ but I don’t want to live without ‘her’…..what I actually want is for ‘her’ to go back to how ‘she’ used to be but ‘she’ just keeps saying “I’m not that person anymore, I have changed”. ‘She’ continually leaves me disappointed but the memory of how things used to be convince me to give her second chance after second chance.....but I think I have now run out of chances to give.
22 years of good times and bad times, laughing and crying, growing, learning and becoming who I am today. I have invested so much in to this relationship and that is why am finding it so hard to walk away. Do I just flush it all down the toilet and start a fresh?.....or do I dig my heals in and hope for a return to the good old days?.....what if the good old days do not come back?.....what happens if the good old days do come back but I am no longer around? I just don’t know what to do for the best.
I sometimes think that every minute I spend with ‘her’ could be sixty seconds spent with someone else who would actually make me happy, but then the glorious memories flood my mind like a raging tsunami sent by the Ocean of Guilt and Sea of Nostalgia then I am swept away only to find myself stranded on the Island of Indecisiveness.
As you can probably already tell this is one of the most serious blog entries I have written, no jokes, no innuendo, in fact it is probably the first time I have shown this side of myself but that tells you how important this is to me and that is also why I need some advice from you my readers.
I think I am only holding on because I have forgotten how to let go.
Now just in case you are one of the millions of girls who were ‘lucky’ enough to have been in a relationship with me, before you start leaving flaming bags of poo on my door step or sending me the heads of various animals by special delivery the other ‘woman’ who I have been in a 22 year love affair with is…..Sheridan Smith (pictured on the right) from ‘Two Pints of Larger and a Packet of Crisps’…..no, that’s not true…..the other ‘woman’ is actually World Wrestling Entertainment…..not a woman in the usual sense but I love ‘her’ all the same…..or at least I used to.
Now let’s get one thing straight, I haven’t suddenly grown up and become too old for wrestling as some of you may speculate, the problem is that WWE has turned ‘her’ back on me by adopting a ‘PG’ rating for all of ‘her’ shows and in doing so 'she' has alienated the very person who took 'her' to the dance in the first place, me (and the loyal fans).
It’s like coming home from work one day only to find a pile of black bin bags containing your clothes sitting in the front garden, then catching a glimpse of your wife performing a lap dance in the front room while a man you have never seen before is holding the remote control for YOUR TV! Do I walk in, take a seat and watch the RUGBY with ‘Dave’ before asking if it would be OK for me to share my wife with him…..or do I smash the door down, kick 'Dave' up the b*ll*cks, grab the 50” plasma TV and MY f**king TV remote control then go down the pub and watch the FOOTBALL?
So should I stick with it and hope the bad times come to an end or do I offer a parting embrace and a goodbye kiss before turning my back and walking away?
The question is this “How do you know if it is time to let go?”